Avoiding Holiday Overwhelm for Adults with ADHD
As a wife and mother of young children who experiences the daily challenges of an ADHD diagnosis, I know that the holidays can feel more like a time of crazed project management and less like a time of peace on earth, good will toward men. And yet, every year I find my hope rekindled for the holidays to be a season of connection, joy, and peace. We know that people with ADHD experience a deficit in their executive functioning, those mental skills that help us to prioritize, plan, and initiate tasks—the very skills that help us navigate more stressful seasons. But when our to-do list is full of holiday cards to send, presents to buy, family events to attend, and traditions to fulfill—how do we find that ever elusive “all is calm, all is bright” state of being?
So, here are a few tips to lighten the load on your mental health and keep the stress at bay:
Determine what matters most. Make a list of all the holiday tasks and events that you and your family hope will occur this season. Then be honest with yourself about whether they add joy or stress to your holiday season. If there are things you can let go of then give yourself permission to do so. Maybe this year you choose not to send holiday cards. Consider if there are ways to simplify the tasks that create stress. Instead of buying gifts for everyone in your extended family, introduce the idea of a group gift exchange where you draw names.
Let go of comparison. People with ADHD might be tempted to compare themselves to their neurotypical friends and family. As you consider your list, are there traditions or standards that you’re holding yourself to just because others seem to be able to accomplish them? It’s not helpful to determine our own limits based on the capacity of others. Just because your neighbors deck their house Griswold-style by Thanksgiving or your sister-in-law takes family photos in matching Christmas jammies every year, doesn’t mean you need to do the same. We all have different limitations and it’s important to base our decisions on what we determine is healthy and reasonable for ourselves.
Shorten your daily to-do list. After you’ve determined what matters most this holiday season the number of tasks might still seem overwhelming. As you create a daily to-do list, try putting only one to three tasks on your list. Three tasks might be possible to accomplish in one day, while ten are not. This will invite less overwhelm and more motivation to initiate tasks. Completing the tasks will give you a sense of accomplishment and a hopeful outlook that you can carry into the following day.
Practice gratitude. Gratitude is not just for the Thanksgiving dinner table. When we find ourselves frazzled and overwhelmed, we can spin out into a negative pattern of thinking: “I’m so stressed! I’ll never get all of this done. Why am I such a mess?” We can soothe that shame cycle by taking a deep breath and reminding ourselves what is already going well in our lives. This will allow us to be more clear-headed about what needs to be done and not be bogged down by feelings of shame or discouragement.
Maintain your practices of self-care. The holidays can bring interruptions to the rhythms and routines we’ve identified as helpful and grounding to our mental health. As much as possible try to prioritize your self-care routines of sleep, nutrition, movement, play, spiritual practices, and therapy, of course! These routines will keep you grounded amidst the chaos.
Want more resources? Here are some recommended podcasts for navigating the holidays and stressful seasons with more grace and simplicity:
Episode #188 “How to Survive This Holiday Season” of the I Have ADHD podcast speaks to specific challenges adults with ADHD have during the holiday season.
Episode #44 “Best of Executive Functioning with Lesley PsyD” by the Struggle Care podcast defines executive function and how we can support our deficits.
The Lazy Genius podcast has some great ideas for simplifying the holidays and figuring out what matters most to you in the holiday season.
